Simple things

I have been enjoying some quite wonderful, yet simple things while being home. Here are just a few things:

1. my bed
2. having wine with dinner
3. slumber parties
4. waking up at 12
5. going on glorious misty walks
6. reading only a few things a day (this needs to improve)
7. the ability to be brain dead
8. watch tons of movies
9. hike lots and enjoy the outdoors
10. run into people EVERYWHERE
11. and exercise.

That list makes me sound like a high school girl or someone who has no passion and is SUPER lazy... which is not true.

The lazy part is though.

-2009 is wrapping up and I am starting to feel as if I have left a lot of things unaccomplished. Looks like the next two days might involve some good soul searching.

Home nature home

Most people say "home sweet home." Although, that is true and some people focus on how sweet home is... when I think of home I instantly think of NATURE. I am obsessed with the bay area. Obsessed... I cannot get enough of Sunol and hiking there. I have gone there twice this week and want to go again tomorrow. It is so beautiful and every time I stop and look out, all I can see are hills that are endless.

There is something so powerful about nature. My soul feels revived. Once I get in my car, drive down 680 South, go two exits, and have blasting indie music on, my soul screams "Ah, YESSS Jesus." It gets even better once I exit on Sunol and drive up to my hiking spot to follow the "Canyon View" trail to "Little Yosemite" to see rushing waters, sunshine, and green hills.

I connect best in nature. My soul feels like a clean slate. Repentence, confession, soul searching etc. goes on there.

I loved D.C. I felt like a city girl, felt the rush, and was beginning to get "Potomac fever."
I was in a city for four months with very little nature action. Sure, there were trees and parks, but not open space. Here in the Bay I can go 5 minutes to a place of serenity.

Thank you Jesus for hiking and nature.
My body says thank you too.

As I sit

As I sit here, my mind wanders off into the distance galaxies, or so it seems. Sometimes I can think one thing, and then surprise, another comes. Sometimes I can be so sure of something, and I was wrong. Sometimes I can be so full of joy and seconds later feel distress.
I can be sure of someones relationship, and then seconds later it collapses. I can be so sure of what God is doing, and hours later be so in shock. Life is full of unexpected events that are never even dreamed of. I often wonder how I will get by in this world, if I will live pay check to pay check, and how I can continue to trust in God. I often wonder why He brings certain people into my life, just to take them away. I often wonder why He gives me the feelings He does or if they are stirred up just by myself.

Life is full of questions. There is no period at the end of the sentence of life, although it seems. Some want a period at the end of a thought or feeling. Some want an exclamation point to say "it is this way" and others just want a continuing question mark or to leave it without punctuation.

I qualify under the others. I do not want life's questions to go answered all the time. Although I would appreciate an introductory paragraph to some of life's questions, I do not want to know the conclusion on all of them quite yet. I like discussing hope in detail, why things are, how my life is going to turn out, vocation, relationships, etc. Is it enough to be okay within ones own skin? I'd like to say yes.

Thankfully my life at this moment is a whole bunch of leaps. I am jumping from one stone to another. From one event to another... Getting a taste of this world.

We are living in Hope.

Florida update

Today I used a 1980 vacuum, that worked better then a 2009 one. Who says time makes things more advanced?

I didn't just vacuum today. Today consisted of a few sweet simple things. I went over to my Grandma as she was laying on the bed and was about to tell her I was going to go read the paper outside. I stopped and listened. The sweet Holy Spirit told me to sit and read the bible with her, so I did.

Margaret (my aunt's sister), my Grandma, and I read three chapters of John, taking over an hour. I started reading John 1 and my Grandma continued with 2 and 3. We went through it and discussed it in great detail. I love my Grandma's wisdom and stories. I could sit and listen to her stories all day long... the more she shares, the more sense my family makes to me.

It was beautiful. We discussed why Jesus is the only way to eternal life. Even people who are Christian's have a hard time with this one. I ended up sharing about my Muslim friends and their heart ache. I ended up flipping through the bible sharing verses that I completely forgot about. I love talking about Jesus, it gets me so excited... as it should.

It was an intriguing and insightful conversation. Thank you H.S.

Some things I love about being here:

1. I get to see my little cousins and play with them... for fun and not for a babysitting job.
2. I get to help out small simple ways.
3. I get to learn from my Grandma's wisdom and hear about our family history.
4. I have had ribs TWICE and BBQ galor. Thanks to California's laws we don't have BBQ pits. So thank you Florida.

Prayer: Pray that this verse would ring true in the life of Rachel... I love her lots and do not want that bundle of joy to be sad.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;

perplexed, but not in despair;

persecuted, but not abandoned;

struck down, but not destroyed.

We do not lose heart.

Though outwardly we are wasting away,

yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us

an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.

For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 corinthians 4:8-9;16-18

{from her blog}.

girl guy discovery.

I am sure since the garden, communication has been something that differs among men and women. Over the last few months and the last few years in college, I have slowly begun to figure out the different communication styles between men and women.

I am the queen of communication. I love keeping contact and knowing what is going on in my friends lives.

Men on the other hand can say "I think about you" but never do anything about it.

Girls think about something, react, and then give someone a call.

This runs true with my Dad, my guy friends, ex-boys, etc.

Girls are just naturally better communicators,ys which is natural. Guys are good at plently of other things.

Leaving D.C. and knowing that I am not going to be seeing these people, makes me want to be in contact with them. I will not be overbearing... I promise. I just really love knowing how people are and what is going on in their lives so I can be praying. Not so much a bad thing I believe.

Side note/update from Florida: woke up at 12, received a heart breaking text from Rach, rode a bike to the park (woah), swang on some swings, and had a few good phone calls. The sun is out, I am sweaty, and I really want to borrow my Grandma's car but my Uncle won't let me. Boohoo.

transition time.

{Uncle Steve and Kayla fishing}

Last week as I was in the midst of my "Oh goodness, I am actually leaving" stage, Shannon Tierney blessed my facebook inbox with a very needed message. In it she expressed how she wished someone told her about the transition from Argentina to Biola. She expressed that although it is hard, God has us in certain places at certain times. It is important to debrief, to journal, and to reflect on our time in our loved places. It is also important to share our moments with others, so we do not feel alone.

Thanks to a good friend who noticed my broken heart, I am somewhat at ease.

I am currently in Florida with my Grandma and Uncle Larry. I thought that coming here would confuse the cycle of life and make me an emotional mess. God is surprising me. He has blessed me with Family who cares.

Today I spent the morning reading, praying, and taking care of my Grandma. This afternoon I rode bikes with my cousins Kayla and Cassidy, played raquetball, read "The Giving Tree" (my all time favorite), let Cassidy play with my hair, had a delicious burger, and had a good dinner discussion.

God has been kind to me.

I do miss my D.C. friends greatly, more then imaginable. I did not realize how close we all got and how much of a family unit we became. I also did not realize how much I changed, due to the fact that I was surrounded by people who were also changing at the same pace. I love the pace of D.C. and the fact that people's lives are not complacent or settled.

I am here in Florida till Friday and plan to soak in every second of it, relax, and to just share life with loved ones.

Not so good news and Good news

Not so good news:

• I have a never ending amount of packing to do.
• I have less then 2 days in this wonderful city.
• Somehow I need to live off of 400 dollars for the next 7 weeks. Don't know how that is going to happen.
  
• And I am horrible at goodbye's. Hello tears.

Good news:

• I am going to Florida and get to see my family on Saturday.
• My Grandma will be out of the rehab hospital and will be at her home on Friday! She hurt her hip so she has been doing lots of rehab goodies. I am really excited to see her.
  
• I am flying home the 18th instead of the 20th of December... only a 2 day difference but that means I get to go to some holiday parties!
• I have been reflecting on my time here and it has been SO GOOD, God has taught me a lot, and I have really appreciated the fact that we discuss things open ended here at ASP. I love the fact it is okay to not know how things work exactly and to wrestle with questions... something I feel that Biola lacks.

I am going to try and soak up the last 2 days as I pack. Ha, key word try.

the big 2-1

Haha, so contrary to popular belief, I, Angela Marie Blake, did not partake in any alcoholic beverages on my birthday.

Gasp! I know... crazy, right?

So instead I ordered a diet coke, woah! Go big or go home I say.

I was a bit saddened by this realization, but it is okay life will go on. Being in a Christian Program where there are 30 people and the fact that someone got kicked out the other day, does not help with the fact that I am 21 and could have ordered a drink.

Haha, I will admit I was a bit sad.

But yesterday was wonderful! My friends called a trillion times, got lots of texts, fb comments, singing messages, and encouragement yesterday. I truly believe that was worth more then anything. Miss Rachel McCord blessed me with a fb status, fb comments, a blog post, lots of texts, and a few phone calls. Meghan had her parents sing me happy birthday, sang me a song via voice mail, a trillion texts, and a few giggle phone calls. My lovely friends are home left me messages. Shannon sent me a ridiculous birthday clip art via text and a blake video message. My Mom, Dad, and Step Mom left me such nice messages!

I have to say... it was a good birthday! I am truly blessed to have the friends I have and am so fortunate. I do not realize how lucky I am!

So for my birthday consisted of: volunteering at Martha's table, getting a delicious milk shake at Ben's Chili Bowl, a 2 hour solid nap (epic), dinner @ MatchBox with friends (Morgan, Melanie, Emily, Lauren, Ashley, Justine, and Jen), a homemade cake from Miss Jen Steinhoff, shopping at Urban, an apartment filled with people singing happy birthday, and late night giggle sessions.

Thanks Jesus.

Less then a week I will have to run away from here, without choice.

West Coast Feel

Even though i love the east coast, there is a certain feel that tingles up my spine when i think of the "west coast," specifically San Francisco.

I just watched "Four Christmases" and had a glimpse of the beautiful city that i have spent most of my life around. In certain sections of the movie, it took some beautiful shots of the golden gate bridge, the fog, city lights, and even good old Union Square. My Bay Area pride CAME BACK! Haha, for those of you reading this you are probably saying "Oh God." But do not fret I also have D.C. pride... equally or maybe MORE then the Bay Area.

Although this last week I have come to the realization that I can no longer suppress my feelings and have to face them, I have also came to the fact that going home to something I am familiar with is not that bad.

So in order to foster and cultivate this semi-excitement I have reflected on a few things that are exciting about home. One thing I am excited about is to see mountains and hills. I can't wait to look out my window and be faced with the Foothills. Hm, that will be nice. It will also be nice to see a snow capped Mt. Diablo. I am also excited to drive on windy roads that are covered by trees and to hop in my car and go on a hike five minutes away. That will be real nice. It sounds pleasant to sit inside of Tully's and run into lots of random people that I have not seen for years. Sleeping in my heavenly bed where I do not have to toss and turn, but can awake from my slumber in the same position... that will be nice. Waking up to the smell of bacon because of my Dad's never ending generosity with food will be a treat. As I run out the door I have the assurance of knowing that chocolate covered raisins will be on the island in the kitchen, ready to be tasted by these taste buds. Hm... those are just a few of the reasons I am excited to be home.

Now now, that sounds like I am all about the petty and little things in life. Which is some what true.

I am also excited to not be working for once in my life! Every single time I come home I have a job and do not make time for a social life (that sentence makes me sound like 30 instead of 20). Since I will have so much free time I am going to finish my long awaited online geology class, that has taken me WAY too long. I am also going to volunteer for the IRC in San Jose and tutor/mentor Refugees :)

A few things I do realize...X will be very tired of my endless calls because I will want to hang out so much. Meghan will hang out with me for a week straight and then start to screen my calls because she will get so busy. And she will also make me go to social activities I do not want to go too... but then in the long run I will be thankful.

You see... there is a difference between my home friends and myself. They are very good at staying in contact with people from church and most of them live at home. Their social life has continued at home and has grown... where I have moved. I have friends from home, biola, and now D.C. The friends I have from home are a narrow amount of people I want to spend time with, including Meghan, X, Mel, and Becca. There are others... but those are the people I actually talk with.

To say the least, I am trying to get excited to go home. Time is ending here. I cannot change that, although I wish I could. So instead of basking in my sadness, I need to look towards something else: home.

Thought

Recent thought:

I am made in the image of God. Isn't that freeing? Or is it something that is scary?

Definitely freeing.

Hope: here and now.

Hope.

When you think of this word do you automatically associate it with future? Do you see it as here and now?

I think Jesus sees it as here and now. Why don't we?
The kingdom of God is here and now.
What we do matters for eternity, maybe its time to start living as if hope is now.

I have been thinking about this recently because I tend to say "I wish Jesus would come back now." Although I do think that would be amazing, there is something about hope that is not just for when Jesus comes back, but is for now.

This goes along the lines of justice and shalom. How can I hope that something will get done that promotes shalom? Well, for one Jesus came, died, and rose again. I know the end result already, so why not live it and strive for hope that is in the here and now? I say lets go for what Jesus would strive for.

{undeveloped thought process... more to come}

Hm.

last day of internship

{Sudanese Refugee}

Today was the last day at my internship. This semester has been a roller coaster of emotions on how I have felt about my internship. Instead of going through the process, I will cut to the chase and go to the end result… I absolutely loved it.

I was exposed to every part of the organization. From writing news clips to dissecting Sudanese law, I have seen how an NGO fully operates and what it takes. I have learned about myself, my views, and have been challenged on many different levels. Although it was rough at times, I would not trade it for the world.

I will say, thus far in my life, this has been one of the most molding 3 months of my life. I have been challenged by how I think politically, what I hold as truth, what I think about the kingdom of God, how to be a light in the work place, what it means to hold onto hope and live it out, what shalom and justice truly mean, and how to pray for those who are afflicted.

Today as the time was approaching for me to leave, I said my last good bye’s and sent out an e-mail saying goodbye with my personal e-mail address so people can stay in touch. As I was saying goodbye and giving hugs, I was overwhelmed with sadness.

Right as I was leaving I was approached by the president of the organization who thanked me for my work. I had to stop myself from crying. It was so nice and was so special to be thanked for my work by him.

As I was flipping through my bible today to get to Jeremiah, I came across a chipotle receipt with a prayer on the back. The first day of my internship I arrived early to scope out where it was and had time to go to Cosi. While I was there I was reading my bible and wrote a prayer down before my first internship. I found it ironic that I found it hidden in my bible on the last day of my internship. It reads:

Lord Jesus… Today mold me and give me the mindset of a servant. Allow me to be a humble person who reflects you in the office.

Lord, give me the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the words to say that you glorify you.

Lord, give me courage and have me be a light with salt.

Lord, I want to be able to glorify you.

Heal my tummy from this pain, nervousness is here.

Lord, you are a good God and I thank you for that.

Thank you for loving me and calling me beloved. You are the one to be praised.

God answered that prayer. He listens and is so faithful.

Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes, molding me, and for allowing me to be a part of an unfolding story.

wow factor.

tomorrow is my last day at RI. a sad realization. i have had the opportunity to do so many things that i did not know i was capable of. today when i met with my supervisor he challenged me on life questions and gave me great advice. after he gave me advice on the future and steps i should strive to take to make it in the refugee realm of a career, i asked him what he would advise me personally in my own growth. he said this:

"take yourself more seriously. i think you are self-conscious of things that you should not be. there is a power inside of you that you need to let go. you have a compassionate heart and it is full of passion. you are smart and are able to do many things that you do not realize. you need to embrace the power you do have and not think lower of yourself" (coming from a christian man).

woah. i almost cried. he NAILED it right on.

{once he said those words i felt like a bird coming out of a cage, released, and able to fly}

true confession: i do not take myself seriously because of my personality at times. i do not laugh because i am trying to brush something off, it is just my natural state. i haven't had to exercise the serious and passionate angela as much as i have had to exercise the free spirited angela in my life thus far. there are MANY things i care deeply about and have a good knowledge about- right now i would say i am pretty knowledgeable about refugee issues. there are a lot of things we are all capable of doing, but sometimes we do not take ourselves seriously or see our full potential. i can look in the mirror and see someone who is great at communicating with others and should work with direct services. i know that, but there are other things i have not allowed myself to fully embrace. i want to move forward from this internship knowing that all the things i thought were impossible are not. all the things i thought were scary about an internship or a job are not. things take work, perserverence, and time. its just apart of life.


new goal: let the power from within be released, passion flow, and be articulate and intentional about my work.