Today and thoughts.

Mind block. That is how I would describe how I am feeling. I have tried to start my philosophy assignment for about tan hour now and all I have managed to accomplish is turn on Pandora to the iron and wine station and soak my soul with them and leave a comment for my aunt. Why am I like this? The sun! Today and yesterday I was at the pool for four hours… straight. I love the pool and now thanks to the sun I am tan. But still… it is exhausting.

There is something about being exhausted and tired that I love. I usually never say this because I am never excited when I am tired. It is a time to retreat, think, and to just daze. It is kind of nice.

It is funny as I write this and say that I am in a mind block, my mind triggers the on button, and goes directly to what I view as most important. Missions.

Without even thinking of something, my mind directly went there. Crazy. Recently I have been viewing everything in terms of development. I truly feel God has blessed me to have the strength of development, not only in people, but in communities. Growth, sustainability, and light are all common themes I have been thinking about.

Through the last two years I have seriously gone through so many ideas and things I would like to do with my life. It is not about that though. It is about what can bring God the most glory. I am so thankful God has shown me the road to international development, and even development right here in the United States. It is the one thing that gets me excited, makes me want to cry, makes my heart break for what breaks Gods, and makes me filled with joy… all at the same time.

It is crazy. Development truly is empowering someone to realize who they are and that every person is created in the image of God while coming along their physical, social, physiological, and emotional needs. Where I fit into that? I do not know. I am just a vessel for God. Just one person to help advance His kingdom. I am open.

A few weeks ago I watched “Turtles can Fly” which is an extremely depressing movie. I would highly advise someone to not have a movie night and watch the movie, like I did. It is film set in a Kurdish refugee camp on the Iraqi-Turkish border on the eve of the US invasion of Iraq. It is heart wrenching.

Daily I hear about stories of events that are happening around the world and see it as horrible. The more I read about the news, the more I know that Jesus is alive and that He is the answer. Before I started to watch the movie I was excited to see what it looks like to live in a Refugee camp. I knew it was disempowering, depressing, lonely, a hard life, a place of anger and disparity. When I view things like this, it is natural for me to see the light in the situation. What if I lived there? I was so depressed after I watched the movie. My heart felt hopeless. Suicide, depression, families broken apart, and darkness were common themes throughout the movie.

Throughout the last semester God has really been speaking to me and opening doors with learning about Refugees. By the end of the movie I really felt like I could not work in a Refugee camp alone. Surprise Surprise… coming from Ms. Independent. I don’t think it would be possible. I know if God sent me to work alone he would also bless me.

This thought went through my head for the first time… “Wait a minute, I don’t actually want to do it alone.” Shocker. Working in poor countries is rough, scary, and sometimes dark. It can be lonely and discouraging. It can also be a place of hope, light, and joy.

I don’t know God’s plan for my life. But I do know one thing. My time as a single lady is to be fruitful and grow in the Lord. I am not anxious. I am content. I know God has me on an adventure that I am very curious about.

I am so glad God is God and I am not. That’s all I got to say.

Best summer day ever....

besides the heat.

Safeway Sandwiches.
X time ALL day.
Pool for four hours straight.
Observing hilarious drunk people get caught.
Meeting neighborhood people in the pool.
Babies.
Christina being hilarious.
Paddle ball tourny.
Speed.
Bollywood workout video.
Almost peeing my pants.
Deep talks.
And two diet cokes.

Good day!

Water.

I thank Jesus for water every time I am in it. It is the one place where all sound is ceased, my body feels free, my soul screams of freedom, and I feel at complete peace.

No matter where I am, a pool, a lake, or the ocean... I cannot help but be in the water. Full body. Under the water.

This morning I swam with Jill and Allison at the Aquatic Center... and they kicked my butt but soon enough I will get back in the swing of it. It felt so good to be in the water.

The water is the one place where I can reflect, pray, and just be.

Thank you JESUS for the ability to swim and water.

Oh America...

Tonight I went to the A's vs. Giants game. It was like one huge bay area love event... minus the rivalry of the teams. As I was watching the players get all into it, people yelling, people doing the wave, sitting next to funny couples, eating junk food, and sipping on a huge diet pepsi, I couldn't help but laugh about how "American" everything was.

A while back I took a "What nationality are you" quiz and was so desparately hoping to be some ethnic nationality, but nope. I was an American. Which is what I am. But deep down I feel like I am truly meant to be in a different country... I feel that is where God has called me.

But no matter where I go, there will always be things about me that I cannot let go of. If I go to the Middle East I will be desperately in need of a coke, chocolate, and some inn and out when I can't have it.

I know the thought of hiking, taking Bart, laughing about bay area rap, etc... will be something that I will miss.

Freedom of speech, religion, and freedom just to BE is something that is American, although I doubt it from time to time.

There are just so many things that are "American" about myself that I am learning to realize. Favorite meal: Cheeseburger, potato salad, and baked beans with bacon. That screams American food. Favorite holiday: Fourth of July. Enough said.

I am just pondering. The A's won and kicked some serious butt. It was a grand time.

Verse and Voice of the Day

[If one] does not oppress anyone, but restores to the debtor his pledge, commits no robbery, gives his bread to the hungry and covers the naked with a garment, does not take advance or accrued interest, withholds his hand from iniquity, executes true justice between contending parties, follows my statutes, and is careful to observe my ordinances, acting faithfully—such a one is righteous; he shall surely live, says the Lord God.

- Ezekiel 18:7-9

It is the acid test of nonviolence that ... there is no rancor left behind, and in the end, the enemies are converted into friends.

- Mohandas Gandhi

I am addicted to the Bachelorette! It kind of makes me feel RIDICULOUS and as my Mom said tonight "this is so out of character!" about me. I have always been the one to make fun of anyone who watches stupid reality TV shows and now I am the one who loves it. But here are a few reasons why:

1. She is cute, fun, and spunky.
2. This is one of the first Bachelorette's where I actually feel like they do fun things and the guys are really fun.
3. Its entertaining and I can be brain dead for two hours of my life during my day... which is well needed when I am working a full day.
4. It is a bonding activity with my Mom and I and super fun to chit chat about during the commercials.
5. It is TOTALLY against anything Joshua Harris would ever say!
6. I never EVER watch TV at school or even the summer... so I am allowed to two hours of it.
7. It makes me want to travel and be more ambitious.


That said... I love it. You should watch it.

Glory Glory Glory

13 "In my vision at night I looked, and there before me was one like a son of man, coming with the clouds of heaven. He approached the Ancient of Days and was led into his presence. 14 He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all peoples, nations and men of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed.
Daniel 7:13-14

I am reading through Daniel and I am utterly amazed by how Daniel 1-6 seems so normal and something I have heard before. Its funny how when things get serious in the bible or where it takes a serious theologian to interpret... you don't hear about passages such as Daniel 7-12. I love love love reading about the end times... even though Daniel is just a sneak peak of it. I love thinking of Jesus coming back. I long for the day when I get to see my King face to face and live in His glory forever. I long for the day when worldly possessions are no longer needed, sin is no longer present, and where people can rest wholly in God. Although I do long for the day, I do count it as a blessing to be alive today, because it is a day when I can try to please and give glory to God, which is the whole point of life right?

Hard to do and easy to say. Since I am a fallen human being, forgiven, and saved by grace... I desire to give glory to God in my daily life. It is hard, yet it is worth it. God delights in himself and although some may say that is selfish, it is righteous (Read Pleasures of God by John Piper). And since we are to be like God, we are to give glory to Him... which is such a beautiful thing.

I dream often about the day when I am in heaven and hear people praising God in all different languages... It almost makes me tear up. Even now when I see people praising God in different languages I cry... I just LOVE it! I am glad I serve a God whose Kingdom will never be destroyed... Thank you Jesus.

Haha, so Christina just got surgery on one of her feet because her bunion was "barking" as she would put it. Gross. Anyways, the moment I walked in she was cranky. I have come to realize that there is something so funny about people who are cranky when they are hurt but on heavy pain medications. Its hilarious. I don't know if that even sounds humane, but its so funny. I did a little cheer for her to cheer her up... ha... and she hated it. She was so pissed. Tomorrow I have the great privilege of babysitting her for half the day before I go to work so she doesn't do anything crazy or overdose. Haha.

A few things from today:
1. Played truth or dare with two six year old years and was kissed WAY to much.
2. Had dinner with my Mom and Dad... doesn't sound random but it was.
3. Pretended I was a student while Isabella was the teacher, so cute.
4. Being demanded from Christina... a little turn around for once.

Life is good.

Dear friends...

how grateful I am for thou! But seriously... haha (man I am such a freaking cheese ball) I have realize I have the best friends ever. I know everyone says that, but seriously. This weekend I went to Emily Gandenberger, now Miller's, wedding and it was SOOO fun. We had so much fun at the wedding and until the late hours of the night. Good laughs, dumb ones, rolling on the ground laughing, crying... you name it. I also feel SO incredibly grateful for friends at home and for school friends...

especially you rach, since you are probably the only one reading this.
Haha. Life is good. God is good. And I love that he desires for us to have fun and laugh... God must be so funny if He gave us a sense of humor. Can't wait to hear his jokes. I hope that doesn't sound bad haha.

Anyways, I will write something more profound later... hopefully. I am not that deep nor serious on summer break and I am not supposed to be... so I am not apologizing for this silly post.