don'ts and wants

i don't want a picket fence.
i don't want to live in the suburbs.
i don't want to be comfortable.
i don't want a lot of money.
i don't need the next big thing.
i don't want to be like everyone else.
i don't want a nice car.
i don't want to raise my kids to be people who are not aware.
i don't want to have a normal life.

i want to live among the poor.
i want to see the kingdom of God in communities.
i want to live uncomfortably.
i want to be available for ministry.
i want to be exposed to all facets of life.
i want to be a light for Jesus.
i want people to know that they are made in the image of God.
i want to see the Holy Spirit move in places I could not imagine.

i really just want Jesus to be recognized more and more in communities.

recently God has laid the inner city of LA on my heart. i didn't think i would actually ever say that. more and more he is breaking my heart for the inner city to the point of wanting to teach. i don't know what God is up to. since He has put it on my heart, i will pray for the inner city of LA. i am not going to jump to any conclusions. God works in ways that i do not expect ALL the time. my heart is starting to break for the low-income areas of california and of america.

my life is starting to blink infront of my eyes. God has put a lottttt on my heart. don't know where He will use me, but i am totally open.

dad

love, joy, laughter, giggles, touch, hugs, comfort, security....

i believe those words describe my dad.

i love him with all my heart. i feel blessed to have him as a dad. PTL.

we just went to the olive tree in anaheim and had a marvelous meal with melissa and christina. he arrived there early and because he loves people so much he just decided to sit outside and talk with all the people there. once we arrived he already knew all the people who were working there. instantly, joe (the owner), and susan (the waitress), recognized him. they knew that he was related to me. they started talking and my dad told them that i was his daughter. susan ran to the kitchen and prepared the food that i love. once i got there, it was ALL READY. i felt like royalty! it feels good to be such a regular at a place that i love.

i was so encouraged. joe kept telling my dad that he was a "lucky man" to have daughters like him.

joe and susan have become dear friends of mine over the years. i am glad that their service of making the best arabic food around has brought us to become friends.

we have talked about jesus a little bit. i want to get to the heart of Jesus though. soon, very soon.

tonight was good. community is good. and family is beautiful.

excitement.

God is so wonderful with His crazy ways. Sometimes I really do not understand them, but I know that it is just a matter of trust and faithfulness. As many people know I have been on quite the journey to find a job coming back to Biola this semester. Luckily in the past I have never had a problem finding a job.

This is what always happens when I try to find a job:
Speaking to self:  "Do not apply for another child care job or even try to find one because you need a 'resume builder.'"

Well God is funny, I landed another babysitting job after applying to 23 places.
It is a small job- 2 Saturdays a month for five hours. The kids are 5 mo, 2 yrs, and 4 yrs. Aka my hands will be full.

Some people are NOT children people. I have lots of friends who do not get why I love kids or how I can get so excited to see them.

I just do. As much as they pester and annoy me at times, I just love them. A lot of people will say "Well you have not been around them enough." Not true. I still love them.

Nannying 2 summers for 40+ hours a week and babysitting lots and LOTS of families since I was in middle school has shown me every type of mother, father, rules, lack of rules, kids, etc.

I gotta give it to Moms.... they are hardcore. Raising kids is NOT easy.
I am really stoked to babysit this Saturday and play with that baby! AH.

Another plus is that on Friday and Saturday I am manning the H20 Project's booth at a convention in Anaheim. On Sunday I am babysitting for another family over night.

I just love how faithful God is. For a month and a half I had no job. I applied to endless jobs and nothing. I was frustrated, yet I knew that God had something in store.

Even though this may seem like a little blessing, I am beyond grateful. God has showered me with jobs this weekend that schedule absolutely perfectly. Totally the hand of God.

In other news... my favorite part of the year is here: MISSIONS CONFERENCE!

Praying for:

• The coords... that the Lord will give them strength, joy, encouragement, and discernment with their jobs over the next few days.
• The speakers... that the Lord would give them the words that they should speak.
• The work of the Holy Spirit in Biola Students. Praying for people who have a passion for missions to be encouraged.
• Students who really do not want missions conference to happen and do not feel the call of missions on their life. Praying for a renewed sense of the Great Commission and for students to see the "Big Picture."

Can I just say I am so thankful for GRACE?

Thanks God.

a puncture

A puncture

A needle

Slowly bleeding

Draining bit by bit

Growing fragile.

The question of why comes

Why?

"Oh why have I done this?" she cries

Self-destruction

Decisions

Yes, no, yes no, no, yes

In front of her eyes

Beauty unrevealed

Unveiled yet not known.

“Take it off”, she pleads

I want to see all of your beauty

I know it’s within and all around you

Now

Slowly

“Please!” she yells with her body

“Dramatic,” one may say

“True,” another will say

“A struggle,” the man is the distance says

Internal battle

Enemy vs. truth

“I don’t want to live this way,” her lips utter

Light shine

Morning finger action (don't read into this too much).

Sunday afternoon with Grudem... Thanks for the encouragement.

Ch. 37: Adoption

"Another aspect of our membership in God's family is that we, as God's children, are to imitate our Father in heaven in all our conduct. Paul says, "be imitators of God, as beloved children" (Eph. 5:1). Peter echoes this theme when he says, "as obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in all your conduct; since it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy" (1 Peter 1:14-16). Both Peter and Paul realize that it is natural for children to imitate their earthy fathers. They appeal to this natural sense that children have in order to remind us that we are to imitate our heavenly Father- indeed, this should be something we naturally want to do and delight in. If God our Father in heaven is holy, we should be holy as obedient children." -Wayne Grudem

Sailing On

A boat is leaving, about to catch its next adventure.

"Wait," she cries.

"I do not know which way to go Captain." says she.

He says to her gently, "Trust in Me."

Confusion written on her face.

Yet assurance being spoken into her depths.

"All Abroad" the Captain yells out.

One by one walk on.

Families, lovers, friends.

Hand in hand.

Joy spilling from their mouths.

A cloud of hope above them.

Endless wonders are seen from the eyes of those who trust.

The waves curl one by one.

East.

"All abroad... last call," the Captain cries.

Engine slowly turning on.

The girl screams "Wait!"

Heart racing, legs lifted, eyes forward.

She cries out into the earth with endless joy.

Changed forever, she leaps onto the boat.

"Welcome, I have been waiting for you," the Captain exclaims as he embraces her.

Anchor lifted.

Captain and crew in place.

Families, friends, and lovers singing.

Off to their beloved they go.

Sailing on.

-I had a vision of a compass so I started to write I saw. This is the product. I don't know what the intention was, but the Holy Spirit was at work in some way.

Time is beating me

Four and a half months ago I was in NYC with some of my favorite people: Justine, Sarah, Seth, Jordan, and Tim. We somehow managed to get around this city by LOTS of walking and confusion on the subway. I cannot believe that was four and a half months ago.

I think time beats me sometimes. I feel as if I am in a time warp. Today my friend Sophie asked me all about DC and it made my "DC softness" arise and now I miss it dearly.

I left bits of my heart in a lot of different places I suppose.

Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls

-Mother Teresa

development makes me happy

Tomorrow I have my first meeting with MIKA, a community development organization in Costa Mesa. I am really excited to meet with them to discuss their after school programs in the low-income area that they are in. My group and myself will be putting our project assessment and evaluation skills to the test as we work with them. This is just a silly log frame I made up for class. Even though it is super simple and not detailed at all, it has got me thinking about how much I love development. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Project Summary	Indicators of Achievement	Means of Verification	Assumptions
Goal To eliminate poverty by youth development/Education Programs in unsafe neighborhoods in Washington D.C.
Purpose/Outcome Children and Teenagers will have an increased focus on education	Crime rate lower, test scores increase, college admittance increases	Official school district test records, crime records	Students will be focused and driven by the  program
Outputs Students will attend program every day after school Students will apply for college’s during their senior year of High School	Students have good attendance Students get accepted to a college	Attendance is taken daily for after school program College acceptance letters that student’s receive and verification of enrollment	Enough interest exists in order for students to attend program Students are focused and driven to get good grades, so they can attend college
Activities Find after school tutors Find a location that has a community basketball court nearby Engage with community/local schools to participate in program	2/1 Tutor to Student Ratio Leased lease for minimum of one year with renewal of lease Recruiting workshops/discussion with elementary schools, middle schools and high schools in the city (students, teachers, and staff)	Permanent weekly schedule; Volunteer agreement to tutor for at least one academic school year once a week Signed lease agreement Teachers allow presentations in class, sign-up for the indication of interest of the program	Schedule will not be changed, unless needed; volunteers will fulfill their one academic school year commitment Building available with basketball court near by Teachers and staff are supportive of youth development/education program

In other news, I have an interview with World Vision Monrovia on Monday. Please pray for that. It is paid and would be great experience. I also got a random e-mail from The H20 Project about helping out at a conference in a few weeks. Praise Jesus! It is so beautiful. The last week or so, regardless of my circumstances with this job business, I cannot stop praying and I love it. That is how it should be. The Holy Spirit has woken me up night after night, asking me to pray for things, as I have with joy and delight. I am excited that He is opening doors. He is so wonderful.

Jesus is so beautiful

For through him we both have access in one spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.

Ephesians 2:18-22.

I am writing a meditation paper on Ephesians 1 & 2. I have been reflecting and meditating on these passages for the past 3 weeks and God is so good. I want an increase in the Holy Spirit. I want to realize that the spirit is dwelling in me at all times. I want to be in tune with the spiritual realm more. I want to be more thankful. He makes me cry with Joy and thankfulness of what He has done for His children and for humanity.

We serve the most loving, the most gracious and the most redemptive God.
Jesus is so beautiful. The most beautiful.


Also, PRAY for Chile and Haiti. The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in Spirit (Psalm 34:18) Click here for pictures of Chile.


Extra also, I have officially applied for 22 jobs and nada. Please pray that I will not be discouraged and that my bank account can somehow multiply... maybe someone will be extra generous this month.