A Friendly Reminder

Dr. Corey's e-mail/message, sent from Dr. Greene:

One thing I meant to mention at the end but neglected to do so was a word of encouragement to your students. If you could convey this to them, I would appreciate it.

My hope is that through the learning of this class that you as students interested in global service and making an impact for Christ, would take some risks and immerse yourself in one of those transformational environments. As I reflected with you last week, I remembered again how much I needed to break out experientially from my subculture and living in the world of the "other," only to discover that the "other" was not much different from me. We laughed and had families. We worked and loved. We needed to know grace. I challenge you as Biola students, mature and brave, to think and pray about how you might experience your "plunge" during these years of life in your twenties when you are about as free as you'll ever be to go for it with hardly anything to lose. As I write this, on my desk is a paperweight that reads, "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" You have an exemplary professor in Dr. Greene who, among others, is giving you the tools you need and I wish I had. May something stir in your heart this semester calling you to a new challenge--beyond your comfort boundaries--that will change you for the good, for good. God has throughout history used willing college students like you to take some risks for the sake of Christ's love, risks that have few if any regrets.


{Amen}


It is a Friday night. I am home reviewing before the big test tomorrow and reminding myself that God has orchestrated all things for the purpose of His will. Pray for me, por favor. 

Big Girl Stuff

Today I got asked to be a bridesmaid in my friend Teddi's wedding, which is NEXT January! Ha, so a long time from now. I am just so excited, even though I have no idea where I will be at that time. Wherever I will be, I will just be one plane flight away and $300 short. All worth it for a friend I love and support greatly :)

I am starting to think that I might, JUST MAYBE, be the person who will be in a lot of peoples wedding, maybe 27 before I get married. Who knows. I hope not.

On another note, I feel like a big girl because I am taking the admission counselors advice from USC. He keeps calling me and telling me about their teaching program. I keep insisting that I am not going to apply to USC and he has told me at least three times, "Angela, you need to expand your options." At first I was thinking, "Why is this guy that I don't even know telling me this!?" And now I am thinking, "Ha, he is probably so right!"

Even though I am set on MTR, that does not mean that I should not explore my options. I mean after all if I do not get it, that does not mean I should stop pursuing the teaching route. So ladies and gentlemen, I am going to complete my application for Teach for America and apply to UCLA's Master in Education Program. High hopes... I know.

Although the future is exciting and not set in stone... I need to pay a little bit more time on the present.  So here we go.

Re-vamp

Last year when I interned at Refugees International and now this summer at World Vision I walked into the internships thinking that they were going to change my life. I thought that they would be filled with wisdom, lots of interesting people, and jobs that were infused with passion. I was somewhat right. I met a lot of really interesting people at both of these organizations. So interesting in fact that today when I was going over my syllabus in Community Development that I realized we are reading a book from my boss and another book from one of the Advisory Councils. Crazy.

After my internship in D.C. I realized that working in the office was not for me. I remember taking Myers Briggs quite a few times and read bio's on what kind of jobs would work best for an ENFJ. It always came down to social worker, teacher, or event coordinator. 

Before working at World Vision this summer I was stoked again. I forgot that I hate working in an office and accepted the reality that I will have to work in an office in order to make it to the field someday. Do not get me wrong, I really enjoyed my job this summer. I just do not think I am meant to work in an office (sounds naive since I am a college student). I think that God made people to live life to their full potential and if you saw me in an office you would see that I am drowning. Literally. Maybe it all comes down to the fact that I have not been in an office job where I am completely passionate, but that is besides the point. 

Today in Community Development my passion for development was renewed. All summer long development became this thing that was editing papers for the common good of children (that I constantly had to remind myself). All summer I felt like development was putting too much attention on unnecessary detail and people forgot about what the work was actually for. There will always be a great disconnect between the office and the work that is actually on the ground.

Raw and real development isn't all about that- although that is necessary. Today in class my passion for this subject came alive again. I was super  burnt out after this summer and after last fall. This tends to happen often when I am in an office setting doing something related with Relief or Development. When I worked at MIKA I knew I had to work directly with the people- that is where lives are changed and people are empowered. 

I am just happy that God never lets me forget, no matter how stubborn I am, that He desires His people to live lives that are whole and restored (Isaiah 61). Take a read and notice how community development is desired by God.

¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, 
       because the LORD has anointed me 
       to preach good news to the poor. 
       He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 
       to proclaim freedom for the captives 
       and release from darkness for the prisoners, 

 ² to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
       and the day of vengeance of our God,
       to comfort all who mourn,

 ³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
       to bestow on them a crown of beauty
       instead of ashes,
       the oil of gladness
       instead of mourning,
       and a garment of praise
       instead of a spirit of despair.
       They will be called oaks of righteousness,
       a planting of the LORD
       for the display of his splendor.

 ⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
       and restore the places long devastated;
       they will renew the ruined cities
       that have been devastated for generations.

ponderings

one of my strengths is "adaptability," which has proved to be both a blessing and a curse. i do really well with jumping into a situation, getting to know people, building friendships, and making them last. but when i have to leave i am so sad! i suppose it is just the cycle of life. once i leave, i get really nostalgic for about a week and then the cycle continues.

within the last year this cycle happened quite a few times.
leaving biola last year
going home and adjusting to home with the help of emily lee
leaving home to go to dc
dc to florida
florida to home
home to school (probably the hardest)
and now school to azusa (not necessarily a hard- besides the fact that i LOVE home more than anyone i know).

but there is much more to this cycle than just location; people make it all the harder and easier. i love making new friends. i love easily and get connected easily. i still get sad every time i think of my DC friends being so far away and my family being only 6 hours from me. i just love relationships and people.

the end of the semester is a time where people finally hang out because they realize how much they mean to each other. my weight training teacher had all of us girls over. it was such a blessing because it is very unusual for a PE class to become close. every single girl was there except for one. we bonded together as sisters in Christ. we encouraged each other as we struggled, prayer together, had devotional times together, and worked out booties off like no other. it was such a privilege.

a lot of my friends are graduating. my development loves are peacing out of here and are embarking on grand adventures for the cause of Christ, which i am so excited about. during our last class the other day (keep in mind we have gone through all the same classes), dr. greene started crying along with most of us tearing us. its special. being bonded together is so special! i think sometimes i forget that. friendships are so precious.

God places people in each of our lives to grow, serve, learn, love, and be molded by one another. we are friends with one another to edify and build up each other. it is so so so special. God in his kindness loves relationships. He LOVES them. we get to have a relationship with a real and genuine Him, it is so special. it is honest, real, loving, etc. our friendships here are just a glimpse of what our friendship and relationship with our Lord can be. it is so beautiful to me.

anyways, i am just reflecting on lots of lovely things. in other news my roommate just introduced me to Mumford and Sons. i am slowly falling in love with them, you will too.

a snap shot of this afternoon. christina was on all fours trying to be the dog but i almost fell over laughing and nearly peed my pants... so the picture didn't happen. too bad.

Life

Sometimes I feel somewhat ridiculous (which I am well aware that I am), that I always change my blog around. Sometimes I even get embarrassed. But then I think, who really reads this? I know there are a few people, but then again it is my place to write so I should be allowed to make it aesthetically pleasing. So there, it suites me.

In recent news, I have officially applied to over 20 jobs in the La Mirada, Fullerton, Whittier, La Habra area and have had no luck.

I have applied to one internship in D.C. and a job in Yosemite for the summer. I am applying for two more internships this week... hopefully there will be some luck there.

I have been praying about a mission trip to go on this summer as well and God closed both of the some what open doors for a SMU trip and for India.

I am trying to figure out what God is up too, but I know trying to figure Him out and His ways is not always the best way to go about things. Instead I am trying to trust that God will provide a job or a way for me to live very simplistically. Maybe a envelope of money will appear in my mailbox (cough: mom please). I have put myself on a $15 budget per week! I should be good for a few months.

In school news, I will be doing assessing and evaluating some projects for MIKA, a community development organization, in Costa Mesa this semester. I am pretty excited about it. I feel like a big girl finally with my development classes. All of my development classes and my classes in D.C. have finally come to meet in a beautiful place. I guess hard work does pay off. It gets me excited for the future.

I am starting to think of  how I will live once I get out of college and life in general. CHEAP. Since there are no jobs in California, or at least not around here, maybe I will end up in some random state for awhile. I would take any job out of college. I have thought about working at a national park, working in a tea room, working at a homeless shelter, working overseas for some random company, etc.

As one can tell many things in my life seem uncertain. Some would stress, but I am totally okay with it. Atleast for now.

God's got this.

Dear 2010,

I would like a year that is healthy, meaningful, intentional, and full of growth in my love for Jesus.

When I say healthy, I mean not in the hospital and no more diagnoses of diseases. When I say meaningful, I mean to make the most of every situation and to see the value of life's uncertainties. When I say intentional, I am piggy-backing "meaningful." Intentional also goes along with spending more time with the Lord. After all, Gary said on Sunday at church if you are not spending time with the Lord daily it is not because you don't have the time, it is because of where your priorities are. When I say full of growth, I want to flourish. I want to be a flower that blossoms in a healthy manner. Of course full of obstacles, but full of truth and assurance that I will growth, I will flourish, and will become something that the Lord is pleased with. I know the Lord loves me and is pleased, I just know He can be glorified a lot more.

Lord, mold me and make me who you desire me to be... for your glory and not mine.

Love,
Angela

girl guy discovery.

I am sure since the garden, communication has been something that differs among men and women. Over the last few months and the last few years in college, I have slowly begun to figure out the different communication styles between men and women.

I am the queen of communication. I love keeping contact and knowing what is going on in my friends lives.

Men on the other hand can say "I think about you" but never do anything about it.

Girls think about something, react, and then give someone a call.

This runs true with my Dad, my guy friends, ex-boys, etc.

Girls are just naturally better communicators,ys which is natural. Guys are good at plently of other things.

Leaving D.C. and knowing that I am not going to be seeing these people, makes me want to be in contact with them. I will not be overbearing... I promise. I just really love knowing how people are and what is going on in their lives so I can be praying. Not so much a bad thing I believe.

Side note/update from Florida: woke up at 12, received a heart breaking text from Rach, rode a bike to the park (woah), swang on some swings, and had a few good phone calls. The sun is out, I am sweaty, and I really want to borrow my Grandma's car but my Uncle won't let me. Boohoo.

West Coast Feel

Even though i love the east coast, there is a certain feel that tingles up my spine when i think of the "west coast," specifically San Francisco.

I just watched "Four Christmases" and had a glimpse of the beautiful city that i have spent most of my life around. In certain sections of the movie, it took some beautiful shots of the golden gate bridge, the fog, city lights, and even good old Union Square. My Bay Area pride CAME BACK! Haha, for those of you reading this you are probably saying "Oh God." But do not fret I also have D.C. pride... equally or maybe MORE then the Bay Area.

Although this last week I have come to the realization that I can no longer suppress my feelings and have to face them, I have also came to the fact that going home to something I am familiar with is not that bad.

So in order to foster and cultivate this semi-excitement I have reflected on a few things that are exciting about home. One thing I am excited about is to see mountains and hills. I can't wait to look out my window and be faced with the Foothills. Hm, that will be nice. It will also be nice to see a snow capped Mt. Diablo. I am also excited to drive on windy roads that are covered by trees and to hop in my car and go on a hike five minutes away. That will be real nice. It sounds pleasant to sit inside of Tully's and run into lots of random people that I have not seen for years. Sleeping in my heavenly bed where I do not have to toss and turn, but can awake from my slumber in the same position... that will be nice. Waking up to the smell of bacon because of my Dad's never ending generosity with food will be a treat. As I run out the door I have the assurance of knowing that chocolate covered raisins will be on the island in the kitchen, ready to be tasted by these taste buds. Hm... those are just a few of the reasons I am excited to be home.

Now now, that sounds like I am all about the petty and little things in life. Which is some what true.

I am also excited to not be working for once in my life! Every single time I come home I have a job and do not make time for a social life (that sentence makes me sound like 30 instead of 20). Since I will have so much free time I am going to finish my long awaited online geology class, that has taken me WAY too long. I am also going to volunteer for the IRC in San Jose and tutor/mentor Refugees :)

A few things I do realize...X will be very tired of my endless calls because I will want to hang out so much. Meghan will hang out with me for a week straight and then start to screen my calls because she will get so busy. And she will also make me go to social activities I do not want to go too... but then in the long run I will be thankful.

You see... there is a difference between my home friends and myself. They are very good at staying in contact with people from church and most of them live at home. Their social life has continued at home and has grown... where I have moved. I have friends from home, biola, and now D.C. The friends I have from home are a narrow amount of people I want to spend time with, including Meghan, X, Mel, and Becca. There are others... but those are the people I actually talk with.

To say the least, I am trying to get excited to go home. Time is ending here. I cannot change that, although I wish I could. So instead of basking in my sadness, I need to look towards something else: home.

wow factor.

tomorrow is my last day at RI. a sad realization. i have had the opportunity to do so many things that i did not know i was capable of. today when i met with my supervisor he challenged me on life questions and gave me great advice. after he gave me advice on the future and steps i should strive to take to make it in the refugee realm of a career, i asked him what he would advise me personally in my own growth. he said this:

"take yourself more seriously. i think you are self-conscious of things that you should not be. there is a power inside of you that you need to let go. you have a compassionate heart and it is full of passion. you are smart and are able to do many things that you do not realize. you need to embrace the power you do have and not think lower of yourself" (coming from a christian man).

woah. i almost cried. he NAILED it right on.

{once he said those words i felt like a bird coming out of a cage, released, and able to fly}

true confession: i do not take myself seriously because of my personality at times. i do not laugh because i am trying to brush something off, it is just my natural state. i haven't had to exercise the serious and passionate angela as much as i have had to exercise the free spirited angela in my life thus far. there are MANY things i care deeply about and have a good knowledge about- right now i would say i am pretty knowledgeable about refugee issues. there are a lot of things we are all capable of doing, but sometimes we do not take ourselves seriously or see our full potential. i can look in the mirror and see someone who is great at communicating with others and should work with direct services. i know that, but there are other things i have not allowed myself to fully embrace. i want to move forward from this internship knowing that all the things i thought were impossible are not. all the things i thought were scary about an internship or a job are not. things take work, perserverence, and time. its just apart of life.


new goal: let the power from within be released, passion flow, and be articulate and intentional about my work.

Blue Jewel

A deep jewel within a cavern waits. She is a deep sea blue, as loyal as the waves are to the ocean. She sits there untouched. She sits there for perhaps a day, a week, a month, or so. She sits there, dust covers her, cracks start to grow, as she waits to be discovered. Only time can tell when she will be found, when her dust can be uncovered.

Discovered she does not necessarily find freedom, but brokenness. Before she can feel completely free, dust removed, she must go forth in a cleaning process. Layers of dust, hard as rock, being cleaned day after day.

This is the visual God has given me in my time of brokenness and healing with accepting my Dad’s new marriage.

For the Lord “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

Passion & Numbness

Passion does not come overnight; it is something that has been cultivated by different experiences that have deeply touched your heart. It may sound cheesy but it is true.
When I think of my passions, I think of things that I deeply love: family, missions, people, nature, travel, world issues, and culture.

I walked into my internship full of passion and ready to do anything I was asked for the sake of advancing any kind of initiative that would help refugees have a voice.
I have not strayed from this passion, but I have become a bit numb to it. I have been trying to reconcile between the fact that I feel numb to what I am doing and actually not caring.

As a human, being exposed to something too much, you can become numb. Day after day I read articles, heart break stories, go to conferences on Refugees, conferences on sexual violence/rape, and much more. All of these things had my attention in the beginning, but now I feel as if my heart and my mind are no longer digesting the information.

As a human being, whose mind cannot fully take everything in, I feel it is okay to feel this way for a short while. God is the only one who can take in ALL the information, knows it inside out, and knows what’s up. He has been and will always continue to be passionate about what is going on in this world.

Luckily I feel assured that even though I do not feel entirely passionate about what I am doing at the moment, I know this “numbness” is not forever.