new found love

I am loving Rachel Portman's scores recently.

She enlightens me with her music when I am doing my homework, trying to relax, reading, or taking a bubble bath. So thank you Rachel for your musical splendor and talent.

Here is why I love her- just one reason. P.s. I highly recommend the "Rachel Portman" pandora station. It might not fancy you all, but she sure has me.

the ocean

one.

okay.

secure.

in love.

liberated.

empowered.

in my own skin.

{there is one thing in the whole world that brings about these "words"...}

the ocean.

today i had to go to the santa cruz superior court to turn in my traffic school goodies, to find out that it was 8 days late. hm, did not realize that because of the extreme lack of information posted on the santa cruz website. oh well- guess my insurance will go up. after this little experience i almost started crying at the court. SO i decided that the beach was in store and there were two things that could heal this frustration: Jesus and the ocean.

did it work? you bet.

some may say i am a little overly obsessed with nature and the high it gives me, but i don't think so. God created this earth for our pleasure, for us to enjoy, and for us to take care of. i just fully embrace it.

driving down 41st ave. to hit the end, i parked my jeep, got out and was instantly hit with my 2 favorite smells: pine trees and the ocean.

i proceeded to walk down by the cliffs, letting the ocean breeze hit my hair. men in flannel walking around, surfers checking out the waves, and moms walking their babies in strollers were all in my surroundings.

i walked down the steps and climbed onto some rocks... just to find the perfect rock to sit on while i soaked in the waves beautiful noise, the smell, and the wind.

waves... miles upon miles out. there is something magical about it.

it is healing & spiritual.

i wish i could live at the beach, for as long as i live.

maybe i can.

lets just wait and see.

Thanks MLK for marking history.

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

We cannot turn back.

There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating: "For Whites Only." We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."²

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

-MLK, I have a Dream

fickle.

hippie. love.

Yearning

The yearning to know What cannot be known, to comprehend the Incomprehensible, to touch and taste the Unapproachable, arises from the image of God in the nature of man. Deep calleth unto deep, and though polluted and lanlocked by the mighty disaster theologians call the Fall, the soul senses its origin and longs to return to its Source. How can this be realized?

The answer of the Bible is simply "through Jesus Christ our Lord."In Christ and by Christ, God effects complete self-disclosure, although He shows Himself not to reasoan but to faith and love. Faith is an organ of knowledge, and love an organ of experience. God came to us in the incarnation; in atonement He reconciled us to Himself, and by faith and love we enter and lay hold on Him.

-A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy

"Today We're All Haitians"

The news about the earthquake in Port-Au-Prince, Haiti is absolutely devastating. Haiti, being the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, is slowly spiraling deeper and deeper into poverty. A country that is severely struggling with environmental issues, governance issues, poverty, health, education, etc. is now having to add on another issue: the aftermath of an earthquake.

Luckily, the United States, other countries, the UN, and many humanitarian relief organizations, such as World Vision, World Relief, the IRC, USAID, have stepped in and are providing major humanitarian assistance. Tens of thousands have died.

Apparently Obama promised Haiti that we would have "unwavering support," which is a good thing.

I know that there are catastrophes like this happening all the time, but this earthquake has really hit home with me. Prayer is needed and donations are needed (click here).

I feel that Nicholas Kristof has put the response for our human heart best (if that even makes sense):

After 9/11, the French newspaper Le Monde declared: We Are All Americans. And after yesterday’s earthquake: Today, we are all Haitians.

For a closer look @ the destruction click here.

a sucker.

Since the doctor says I need to rest, this is what I decided to do today... and well to be honest the past few days.

1. Refresh my trivial knowledge of Friends. In order to do this I have watched reruns thanks to tbs. No matter how long this TV show has been done for, it will always be a TV love of mine.


2. Watched Teen Mom- this show has sucked me in like none other (I am not so sure I like that it has). Hopefully it has some kind of impact on teenagers. Ryan and Maci are the couple my sister and I like to watch. Sadly, we make fun of the rest.


3. Modern Family- excellent TV show that will give you a good laugh while you live vicariously through the families that are intertwined on the show. It is one BIG family that consists of 3 smaller families: one straight, one traditional, and one multi-cultural. It was the most-watched new comedy of the fall season, according to NY Daily News. This is definitely my new favorite show. You can watch episodes here. I highly suggest it. Or just watch it on Wednesdays at 9 p.m.


4. The Office- duh. have most of the episodes down. Always a good laugh with a hint of awkwardness, thanks to Michael Scott.



5. The Bachelor! This season heart throb Jake is about to melt some hearts and break a few along the way (unintentionally of course). With his Dallas charm, good looks, and aviation loving self, he is about to make some girls soar with love. I loved last seasons Bachlorette with Jillian, but this season might be just as good and full of girl drama (hopefully not a whole lot). I am glad ABC finally selected a decent guy on the Bachelor who has some good morals and respects the ladies. All he needs to do is get Michelle off the show, focus on Tenley and Allie, and he is golden.


6. And lastly, True confession 101: I watched Jersey Shore tonight, out of force from Meghan and Brad. After watching it I realized how extremely fortunate I am to not be surrounded by legit guidos. I don't think I would like it.


You can call me a couch potato, its okay. I know. But I have also been up on my news, if that counts for anything.

rise of attention.

I am not going to say I do not love Muslims, because I have met some really great and wonderful Muslim friends. Unfortunately, the extremists just give Muslims a really bad name.

Last year I would say anything to defend Muslims, mainly due to the fact that many Christians hate them, when there are many who are striving for peace and are doing everything they can do to gain righteous favor in Allah's eyes.

I still think Christian's should love on Muslim's and not hate, due to the fact that we are called to love all people. There has been increased attention in my eyes on extremists issues within the time I went to D.C until now. On one hand I am disappointed in myself for not reading the news more, but on the other hand the sense of "not knowing" blocks out certain issues and does not bring forth godly frustration. I have never read, been more frustrated, or hurt by international as I have with all these extremists groups. Since going to D.C. my pride for America has increased, ha, who thought that day would ever come. The Fort Hood incident really frustrated me as well, as I know it has for many other American's.

This article really through me for a loop.... click here to read "Britain Moves to Ban Islamic Group" from the New York Times.

Pray that these people would experience Jesus Christ in a real way, that the Devil would no longer have a hold on them, and that they would repent and strive for righteousness.

silence.

The last four days I have been confined to my lovely double sized bed, due to a bad cold. My room, splashed with the color of the ocean on the walls, clothes all over the floor, a world map, tons of pictures, and lots of books, has consumed me the last few days. I physically do not want to clean up this mess due to the fact that it stresses me out. Since I need to rest to feel better I have been picking up books here and there from my shelf, most of them half read. One of the books "Soul Graffiti" by Mark Scandrette, was given to me as a gift when I graduated from high school. It is solely focused on the authenticity of living our lives for Jesus. The author works in the inner city of San Francisco. There was a page where he spoke about a girl who could not be in silence due to the lack of noise in her life.

Michele, an Ivy League graduate from the upper east side of Manhattan, sat on Mark's couch and was on a quest to understand Jesus. Somehow Mark ventured to say,

"The Hebrew scriptures suggest that everything made somehow reveals the glory of God. The Earth, in a sense, is the voice of God romancing us. Michele, I think that if you went alone to a park, out into the words, or on a walk along the beach and became very quiet- you would hear the voice of God speaking to you."

Tears began streaming down Michele's face. "You don't understand how impossible that would be for me. I cannot be alone or still. I am constantly listening to music or talking on the phone. I rarely go to bed before 3 a.m and usually not witout more than a few drinks. I even sleep with the stereo turned up and the lights on. If i were alone I would have to face myself. And I am afraid of what I would find."

I heard, in Michele's voice, a hunger for peace and longing for a story that makes sense of all that she has seen.

After being in bed for the last few days, I realized I have not been listening to music. Today I thought "What have I been doing the last few days?" I will tell you what... God has been so good to me in this silence. The last few days I have been confused as why I always get sick and how my "call" to missions can make sense if I have a ton of medical problems. I still don't know that question, but I do know God is faithful and good.

After reading an excerpt from this book I am realized how thankful I am for the spiritual discipline of silence. From silence springs forth prayer...

sweet memories.

Money can buy a grand vacation, can pay bills, can make you happy for a little bit, but money can never buy the simple things in life, such as laughing and having "stupid" moments with your friends.

Day after day I realize how fortunate I am to have found friends who understand me, can laugh with me, and really do laugh at the stupidest things. This summer when I went to Lake Siskiyou with Kaylee, Christina, X-tina, Lucinda, Maggi, and my Dad, that idea was reaffirmed greatly. We had fun ALL week long. I have gone to Lake Siskiyou almost every summer since I was in Elementary school and it have always had fun. It is my happy place.

So this video is for you Lake Siskiyou. Thanks for the memories and for making me resort to my silly 21 year old self.

Oregon is for lovers.

I know Virgina's slogan is "Virginia is for lovers," but Oregon's should be too. Oregon is so pretty and pleasant. I feel like its a place you could meet someone who really does love nature, well that and California. Maybe California should have that slogan too. Anyways...

On Friday, roughly around 10:00a.m. (if I can wake up that early), I am going to embark on a snowy journey to see Miss Rachel McCord in lovely Southern Oregon. I know exactly how our first glances at each other will be.... we will burst into screaming, jumping, and then a long hug. Yup, it will be glorious.

I also get to see Melanie and Becca at University of Oregon while I am up there in Eugene. So stoked for that as well! I am really excited to see Melanie's stomping grounds.

And its not over yet... I get to see Adam from D.C. Oh goodness, lots of fun people jammed in one trip.

When I am done seeing Adam... I am going to relax for a few days at Rachel's... possibly till Wednesday. Should be jam packed, yet really fun and lots of laughs... and probably a lot of lazy time too. Perfect.

Dear 2010,

I would like a year that is healthy, meaningful, intentional, and full of growth in my love for Jesus.

When I say healthy, I mean not in the hospital and no more diagnoses of diseases. When I say meaningful, I mean to make the most of every situation and to see the value of life's uncertainties. When I say intentional, I am piggy-backing "meaningful." Intentional also goes along with spending more time with the Lord. After all, Gary said on Sunday at church if you are not spending time with the Lord daily it is not because you don't have the time, it is because of where your priorities are. When I say full of growth, I want to flourish. I want to be a flower that blossoms in a healthy manner. Of course full of obstacles, but full of truth and assurance that I will growth, I will flourish, and will become something that the Lord is pleased with. I know the Lord loves me and is pleased, I just know He can be glorified a lot more.

Lord, mold me and make me who you desire me to be... for your glory and not mine.

Love,
Angela

2009.

Now that it is 2010 (wow weird), I guess its my turn to reminisce on 2009.

The year started out with a month long trip to Mexicali, Mexico. Although I am still sorting through that trip, I know God had me there for a reason. I met amazing Mexican children, who laughed at my horrible Spanish, yet were so loving and received love. Although I became very ill and got ecol i (that latest a good whooping five months), God showed me a lot of things.

I learned more about the holy spirit and the gifts that the spirit comes with, thanks to "Surprised by the Holy Spirit" by John Deere.

I started attending a church that I actually felt like I belonged to in L.A. I learned about the gifts of prophecy, dreams, and healing. I learned that people are gifted with it and the power of the Holy Spirit.

I wrapped my head around the concept of Missions and the love that God has given me for Muslims. George Verver (founder of OM) rocked my world at Missions Conference.

I had many laughs and built my friendships with Shannon Tierney, Rachel McCord, and Emily Lee. Continued friendships that I have had forever include Christina Burke, Melanie Dort, and Meghan Marell. I am so very thankful for the thousands of laughs and peeing my pants with these ladies. Gross, but true. Ha.

I babysat crazy children that made me realize how babysitting is the best birth control in the world. I also realized how miz it is to have two parents working and not spending time with their children. God taught me a lot about the role of being a nanny.

I witnessed two of my friends getting married. Miss (now) Amanda Tourtellotte and Emily Miller. That was awesome//weird because of our age.

Went on an epic road trip to Oregon to see my bestie, Miss Rachel McCord, then followed to go camping with my best friend, Christina Burke.

Cried and felt great sympathy for Melanie in the loss of Jeremiah. Now he is with the Lord, happier then ever.

Got to experience the wonderful and oh so powerful Washington D.C. for a good four months. Interned at Refugees International and had my eyes opened to God's heart for international issues, such as refugees and even politics.

Visited my caring Grandmother in Florida and spent some good quality time with my family, solo for once.

Returned to my beloved California and have not been happier. I feel that I am truly in my "own skin" in this state, for multiple reasons.

Now I am resting in the fact that I can sleep in till 12, hang out with friends everyday, and turn over a new leaf. Hm, I hope 2010 is good to me. So far it has been a little dramatic: A little to much for my liking, but hopefully that will change briefly. Here's to a year of growth, a healthy body (please Lord), great adventure, and lasting friendships.